‘They didn’t even consider talking to us before, That's just insane. I'm not changing anything I've booked vendors and signed contracts’: Future brother-in-law and fiancé hijack couple’s spotlight with a wedding at the same venue right before theirs

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Mar 10, 2025 6:00 AM EDT

Being a reasonably functional member of any group—be it society, a friend circle, or your own family, shouldn't exactly require advanced training or special skills. All it takes is common sense, decent communication, and just enough empathy to realize that other people exist and have feelings too. Most adults manage these basic expectations effortlessly, navigating life's interactions without creating needless drama or collateral damage wherever they walk.

And yet, inexplicably, some individuals still find themselves entirely incapable of resisting actions that cause completely avoidable trouble. It's as if they're magnetically pulled toward the bluntest, most passive-aggressive option possible, as though basic courtesy were a cryptic puzzle they've given up trying to solve.

Such is the case with one couple whose carefully planned wedding suddenly fell victim to their future brother-in-law's supreme lack of consideration.

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  • Despite knowing their wedding date and location had been set for over a year, the brother casually booked his own ceremony just two weeks prior at the very same venue, conveniently neglecting any form of heads-up or conversation about his plans. Predictably, this triggered confusion and annoyance for everyone involved, forcing family members into awkward conversations, strained smiles, and uncomfortable attempts at rationalizing absurd behavior.

  • "my fiancés brother announced that their wedding will be 2 weeks prior to ours at the same place."

    "Somehow they thought two weeks before our wedding isn't too close??"
    via kparis

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • But maybe basic manners really are too much to expect from certain adults. Perhaps we should start handing out gold-star stickers and cookies again to encourage grown-ups to master revolutionary life skills such as letting people know before you torpedo their plans, or actually speaking with someone before hijacking their event. Until then, the rest of us will just keep smiling politely while silently fantasizing about throwing some relatives as intently as a bridal bouquet toss.

  • A few weeks ago my fiancés older brother got engaged to his girlfriend. I'm happy and excited for them, although they've been having relationship problems and he doesn't treat her very well. But I won't get too into it as it's not my place. (she definitely deserves
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • better imo) The other night we were all out to eat with family and I had asked if they had set a date yet, she said a date two weeks before our wedding. And also said "we didn't want to pick
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • a date too close to your wedding". Honestly I was just so stunned. I didn't voice any sort of opinion about it because I didn't think it was the time or place.
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • Cheezburger Image 10476862464
    via kparis

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I'm just so annoyed they didn't even consider talking to us before setting a date so close. And somehow they thought two weeks before our wedding isn't too close ??? It feels rushed imo with less than 6 months to plan.
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • My fiancé and I have been planning our wedding for over a year, our date has been set and known by our family for nearly a year and a half at this point. I just feel like there should have been some sort of conversation. it feels
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • very inconsiderate. The other issue is that we'd both be planning to have our wedding at the same place and obviously a lot of the same family members would be invited. That just sounds insane. My worry is that family is going to feel burnt out
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • having two big events so close together, or just not be able to attend both. I doubt many would want to or be able to come out for another wedding so soon after. And I really don't want to hear comments like "oh you guys
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • should have just done your weddings together" as My fiancé and his brother don't really get along. They're civil. But to put it bluntly his brother is a narcissist. He's definitely shown his colors
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • over the years, so this whole ordeal isn't too surprising but what the heck man. With the wedding being less than 6 months away, im not changing anything. Ive already booked vendors and signed contracts. Am
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • Cheezburger Image 10476862720
    via kparis

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I being bitter? Probably. But I kind of feel like we're being cut short. Maybe I'm overreacting. I don't even know what to say to them. Any advice on what to say to them, if anything?
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • Edit: for those saying "you don't own the date" and "you don't get the whole month" or whatever, of course not and that's not what this is. My best friend is actually getting married 3 weeks before
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • me and I couldn't be happier for her. I'm in her wedding as her MOH. Her and I had a bunch of conversations and she picked the date she wanted! I think it's worth mentioning that I think it makes a difference she's not in the family,
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • and it's not the same place or even town. Honestly if my future BIL talked to us we probably wouldn't have been so upset... we're pretty understanding people but knowing how he is this definitely feels like a personal dig.
    via Next-Elephant-6060
  • NHFNCFRE If people are only going to make it to one wedding, it will likely be yours simply because they do already have reservations and travel plans for yours.
    via NHFNCFRE
  • I'd bite my tongue if you can...yes, they are almost certainly trying to beat you guys to getting married, but given the short time frame, I suspect it is going to be a sh show. Smile, nod, grey rock, and enjoy the heck out of your own wedding day.
    via NHFNCFRE
  • triedandprejudice You say nothing. If the brother truly is a narcissist saying something won't go well and your fiancé will be hurt. Also, it's your fiancé's place to say something, not yours.
    via triedandprejudice
  • FindingLovesRetreat If you're 6 months away, it means invites haven't been sent yet which could prove an issue if they send theirs first. You're going to need to either send invites out now or take the risk of theirs going out first and everyone responding to theirs and not yours.
    via FindingLovesRetreat
  • pwolf1111 This is beyond rode. I don't know what you can do besides send your save the dates out right away and tell the family gossip what they did. The brother just can't stand your fiancé getting any attention.
    via pwolf1111
  • NotMyFirstChoice675 Get your save the dates AND invites out asap Then, just don't worry about who dosent come and remember those that are there are there to celebrate your love. You are there to commit your love to your partner. It's not a competition
    via NotMyFirstChoice675
  • so shift your mind to treat it as a focus on your day with your partner, and relish that your side of the family will not be impacted.
    via NotMyFirstChoice675
  • According Pie3971 I agree with everyone here but I'd go further. Lock down all your vendors with passwords that only you and fiance know. I'd announce your wedding date in social media asap as well as sending in person invitations.
    via According_Pie3971
  • Let bil do his thing because no quality vendors will be able to fit him in. He will have to settle for vendors who have space. Let his wedding be a sh show. Don't tell him any details of your vendors
    via According_Pie3971
  • Make sure they can't get access to any centrepieces wedding favours your dress your fiance suit etc keep all locked somewhere secure
    via According_Pie3971
  • isabelle_dances This is classic narcissist behaviour; he's definitely doing this on purpose. He wants the spotlight + wants to take away from your day. Don't give him the satisfaction of a reaction. Your wedding will be well-
    via isabelle_dances
  • planned and beautiful, and his - if they end up going through with it on that date - is going to be a thrown together mess. Let him shot himself in the foot, and enjoy your wedding on the high ground.
    via isabelle_dances
  • jagrrenagain Have you heard of the "Let Them" philosophy? Just let them make a$$es of themselves by doing this. Everybody in your family knows that it's not okay, but that's on them, not you. Don't give it energy. Go to their wedding as guest and give it as little thought as possible.
    via jagrrenagain
  • ragdoll1022 Info diet - don't let them know ANYTHING esp vendors, colors...keep it private. Hopefully fiancé's parents will honor that request as well.
    via ragdoll1022
  • Fresh-Basket9174 I would share all the details with them, and only them. Planning a casual, laid back wedding? Tell them"We are going with a higher end formal look, I really like the 70's colors so we are going with polyester in Avacado and Harvest Gold" Planning an open bar, They hear "We are doing a non alc ic
    via Fresh-Basket9174
  • event, too many people cant hold their liquor" Etc. When they start making comments or choices based on what they "heard", you can say, "Well, if it works for them, thats all that matters" with a "but thats not our tastes" as an aside. But I am petty
    via Fresh-Basket9174

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family drama inheritance aita AITAH brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt sister fiancé grandmother Father
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